Breath Out

I write this post during the Pandemic and I've stayed in my place for a month already. Everyone got the impact, everyone is in surviving mode. Parents become a teacher, house become school, room become a work place. All places who used to be place for human to meet and interact, are now close down for a good reason. A friend sent me these beautiful words yet ironically true; 

"..suddenly Disney is out of magic,

Paris is no longer romantic,

New York doesn't stand up anymore,

the Chinese Wall is no longer a fortress and even Mecca is empty

Hugs & kisses suddenly become a weapon 

and not visiting parents and friends becomes an act of love.."

And just like everybody else, I melted down in tears when I found myself was dying for some touch and hoping for the existence of familiar human being, right here, hugging me without judging. It was like a canon ball that strikes me with the hormonal, work-pressure, missing everyone, boredom—all at once in this 4 x 2 m room 24/7. I never stand for more than 2 months in Jakarta with the hustle and bustle of the city. I usually need some break and went back home to re-energize myself; to meet my mom, my niece and nephew, eat mom's cook, hanging out with my brother, and of course my love Buttermilk as its the time for me to taking care of him when I'm home. That day when I need my home so much, I cried so so so hard even my boyfriend didn't know what to do. He just there on the phone listened to me crying like a baby. I had a very bad headache after. I just want to cry all day. But luckily, a meeting saved me as I NEED to be okay while presenting some material. So I was okay

This pandemic hurt everybody. Lost, layoffs, economic struggling, uncomfortable policy, panic, crisis in public health and so on and so on. It show us how unprepared we are to face a sudden changes, a massive sudden change, all over the world. 

During the weekend on that week, I decided to sit and thinking. To actually look for a glimpse of good thing that I have even during this hard times. It was so blurred really hard for me to catch and see. Then I remember Mbak Annisa once told me to write everything I thought that bothers; good or bad. Just write it down and see if its help. Here are some; 

1. Clean water; to drink, to wash, and to shower—I never think about it that we actually cannot live without water. I remember one day the place I live was run out of water due to some issue with the water pump. It was uncomfortable. And now I can freely use it for my daily life. This is essential thing but I didn't realize it before. 

2. Free gas stove—Those who know me must understand that I really like cooking. So free gas stove provide by the owner is truly a privilege. During this Pandemic, we limited our mobility even to go outside to eat. People suggest us to make our own food in case of food hygiene. I've been cooking for most days, but during the physical distancing I cook more often. It also make it easier for me during this Ramadhan.

3. Full stack of tea, foods, vegetables, egg..—Basically food stock and everything I need. Once I run out, I could easily walk for 3 minutes in Indomaret near here to buy again. I still have enough to myself and sometimes to be shared with some friends. 

4. Plenty of Money—Talking about buying stock and things I need, of course we talk about money. I still have plenty of money to buy essential things. 

5. Comfort bed, warm blanket, chilly room with wide window that enable me to see the sunset—This is a bonus. A very huge bonus and the reason why I compromise to rent this place. This Work From Home situation requires me to stay in my room longer than ever. I used to pass the sunset when I'm still work from office. I never be at home in the evening. But this time, I can see it everyday the weather is good. Thanks to the window and the position of this building. Also, I may never realize how comfort the place where I sleep everyday. I know better this room. 

6. Technology to stay connected—Yes it is not social distancing as I still be able to get in touch with people through technology. Getting work done by it, to say goodbye, and to say hello to a faraway friends. 

7. To let my skin breath and repairing—My skin is far from perfect. I have some issue with it these days and I really want to fix it. But I can't because I need to wear this and that on my daily basis that caused it even worse. As I don't have to go to office during the pandemic, I also let my skin breath by not putting anything on it. Just let it bare and constantly put repairing serum. This is a good time for my skin to repair and I already see the difference. No over pollution and no make up. 

8. Salary—To be able to manage my income in this surviving mode. To save more, to spend just right. 

9. Get to know anak anak kosan—I've been living in this place for more than a year now and never in that time I know the name of another occupant. Not even once. It is so individualism as we never meet on a day. As this situation requires us to be at home for most times, we force to know each other by situation. I admit that I didn't interest to have some relation with these people, but I was deeply wrong. It's not bad at all to know them. People are vary and I'm not always linked to them, but that's okay to have them as my temen-temen sekosan :) 

10. Full tank of gasoline and having my own motorbike—We know how dependence we are to Gojek (Go Ride) to support our mobility. But this situation doesn't allow us to use that facility at the moment. I really thankful to bring my own motorbike to support me went to supermarket for grocery shopping. 

11. Hanging Katherine Karnadi's art prints—Katherine gave me these art prints as her giveways long time ago. I forgot that I have these beauty ready to hang. I also did small redecorate on my vanity place. 

12. Lastly, the most precious thing is to have My Family, Mas Krisha, Mbak Annisa, all closest friends 24/7—These are people who make me stay sane. 

The number still goes on.. every tinny bit of my life also the thing to be thankful for. Looking back each time read this list, I instantly feel better and remind to keep thankful for everything, every little thing. I write this to remind me one day that I was struggling to pass this situation and we were all in this. We got this. Also, I write this to encourage each one of you who read it—whoever you are—to do the same. To see little things around you and thank for that. To write it down and read it again. I know it is not as easy as it written but at  least it helps. On Sunday, I pass the day felt calmer.

This too shall pass, anyway. 

PS: Journal-ing also help! I write eveything I thought to help me release voices on my brain. I even wrote food list for Ramadhan hehe