A Quarter Life; Here I Am

by - Sunday, March 04, 2018



I'm still wearing my dress and about to vomit since I ate too much food tonight. People are finally home and eventually, I have a time to sit down and write. Well, tomorrow is my sis's wedding day and we just had a family diner, while talking about tomorrow's event. In the midst of wedding wishes for my sis, there was also a glimpse of wishes for me, as today is my birthday (well I write it when it still 3rd of March lol)


Yes, I hit 25 years old this year. Thank God, Alhamdulillah. But I just realized that for the very first time in my life, I am not excited anymore about the idea of getting older. I woke up today and wished that people would forgot my birthday.


It's kinda awkward, because I used to be that girl who thought "how could people hate their own birthday? why they hate the day when they born in this world?" but don't get me wrong, I still like the idea of birthday things such as cake, blowing candle, make-a-wish moment, friends, surprises, you name it. But maybe what made me less-excited is because, I still haven't done enough in life. Many things I haven't done enough. Well, 25 years old is not a joke. I know some people at this age, already start something for their future; career, love-life, investment. I am still far behind that.


I am not who I am today. No matter how hard I pretend, one person still recognize that I looked so gloomy tonight. I am so happy for my sis, but something is wrong with me. I never thought that hit 25 years old would be this empty. Maybe is it just me.


Anyway, this feeling should lead me to keep looking and finding. Completing wishes that I still hold onto, perfecting my own version of perfection, and once again to embrace who I am.


Little me in the middle

Happy Birthday, Fira. 
I know you haven't done enough, but I also know you've tried. 
Please do not giving up.



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