"Tuhan tolonglah, sampaikan sejuta sayangku untuknya.. ku trus berjanji, takkan khianati pintanya. Ayah dengarlah, betapa sesungguhnya ku mencintaimu, kan ku buktikan ku mampu penuhi maumu..."
My dad, Anwar Musyaddad -- just passed away about 2 weeks ago. He fought for his right to be health like he used to. He need 3 years, he was struggling and pain. I don't know why I could be this tough. I'll never see my Dad anymore. I used to wonder, if someone/my friends lost their family member, and they looked so tough and some even didn't cry.... I did. Yes, of course I was crying. It was hard to see my dad, in a cold condition, didn't give us any sign of life, his eyes was closed so tight, there was no response when I called his name to wake him up to pray Subuh..... my Dad, is home. Yeah I cried but I felt very sincere, and wiped my tears. A tons of hugs was lil bit relief me. My heart was break when I see him suffering for his disease for about the last 3 years. God... I know this is the best way for him, and us who love him, wife, daughters, and son. Everything has planned well and right, and God is the best director who allowed my brother to take a leave from the office one night before my dad passed away, He allow me to sat together with my Dad at the terrace while had a cup of tea, gave him cajuput oil after he took a bath................Dad, it feels too fast.
Now I know... what was others do and think when this condition come to them and HOW it feels. It feels hurt, in one time my heart drowned and breaks into pieces..... hurts more than anything... "Gosh, it's like you'll NEVER see him anymore" but one thing that I learn... life goes on... I still have my last-precious another diamond called "Mom" and this time, I have to take care of her. All my best, for her and for my family.
Beside that, I feel my Dad is still around. I just 'feel' not 'see', and this is more than enough...... Save him for me, God. I beg. Good bye, Dad... Good bye, Abah. See you soon :')
"Andaikan detik itu, kan bergulir kembali.... ku rindukan suasana, basuh jiwaku - membahagiakan aku yang haus akan kasih dan sayangmu. Tuk wujudkan, segala sesuatu yang pernah terlewati......"