Pursue Future

by - 5:53 PM

I just arrived at home, setelah aku sama Lucy menghabiskan satu mangkuk bakso sapi dengan 2 sendok makan sambal pedas sebagai pelampiasan (sebenernya pelampiasanku) karena gagal (lagi) di ujian IPS hari ini ! well, mendapatkan apa yang aku pengen emang ternyata nggak gampang. contoh kecilnya aja hari ini, aku (selalu) gagal lagi pas ujian IPS, padahal aku udah belajar semalem. sama kan kayak temen2ku yang lain, kan? sama-sama belajar. tapi nggak tau kenapa aku selalu nggak bisa ngontrol daya ingatku sendiri. selalu aja lupa sama apa yang udah aku hafalin :( ujian kecil tapi selalu bikin aku nangis diatas motor waktu pulang sekolah.

talks about failure, I always learn from some lyrics by Kings Of Convenience - Failure, which is said "Failuuuure, is always the best way to learn" but, how I can learn if I always failed ? again, and again? should I learn it again and again? it must be waste of time. Honestly, aku selalu takut gagal. aku nggak pernah bisa terima kegagalan meskipun aku selalu menghadapinya. satu yang aku takut dari kegagalan adalah kegagalan masa depanku :( my mother's said this morning that she hope that I can be a success for all things, career, family, job, and sooooo ooon. I just smiling but I felt so scared if I can be like she want :'(

I had think that I would change my invocation from "yaAllah I want to be a smart girl, pass the exam blablabla" being "yaAllah it's okey if Im not too smart on a several lessons, but please help me to be a lucky girl. get a good score in every test, and pass the examination, success, blablabla"
how pitty I am :( oh Really I want to cry.

I dont know which one is better. I just hand over and I dont know. you know what, the effect of my sorrow today are : almost break a leg of newspaper's seller because I daydreamed on the way home, spent my money which is should to save for weekend :'( what a beautifull mess, everyone !



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